Ahh, 2012. We laughed, we cried, but we laughed a lot. And more often than not, those laughs came at the expense of more than a couple people in the music industry. Since we got all nostalgic for last year, we decided to grab a few of our favorite moments and tack on some commentary in an attempt to make you laugh. Let us know how we did.
DMX Learns How To Use a Computer
Just…. just watch the video.
Andy: Yes, this is a real video, and yes, this is in 2012, not 1999. It really amazes me that DMX made it ALL THE WAY to 2012 without knowing how to operate a computer. And to be honest, I’m not even mad, I’m impressed. Judging by the fact that he genuinely gets frustrated by the cursor changing between the line, arrow, and hand, it seems as though he actually is learning about this newfangled “computer” you youngsters love so much. Well, howdy doody.
Blu Calls Out Schoolboy Q For a Dis That Didn’t Exist
On a fateful day in October, Blu (remember him?) was listening to Schoolboy Q’s “Habits and Contradictions” and COULD’VE SWORN that he heard his name dropped. Turns out that Q said “glue,” not “blu.” Honest mistake, right? Well, Mac Miller, Ab-Soul, and Earl Sweatshirt got in on it and the rest is history. [Full transcript in link above, thanks to MJF’s BauceSauce]
Andy: He ain’t EATIN!
Cee-Lo Releases A Christmas Album…And The Artwork Looks Like This
Lydia: Just when I thought nothing could be more awkward than Cee-Lo’s T-Rex arms, the dinoman himself went and released a Christmas album with cover art featuring him riding in a sleigh filled with presents. Except the sleigh was a red convertible (anybody know what kind of car that is?!) carrying Cee-Lo and being pulled by some white stallions. Is that what gets you off, Cee-Lo? Oh and on top of it all, one of the songs features The Muppets. You never expect The Muppets.
Andy: YOU NEVER EXPECT THE MUPPETS
Noisey has A$AP Rocky and Danny Brown go “Back & Forth”
Jordan: Probably the greatest thing I’ve ever watched in 2012. Danny Brown is already as strange as they come (love him though), but both he and A$AP are high as shit. That recipe is a recipe for success! There’s five different videos. They talk about a bunch of different shit and if you can watch these videos with a straight face: you have no sense of humor, you don’t know who these guys are, or you’re just boring and suck. Like come on, do you like toothless bitches? Cause Danny Brown does. Do you fuck bitches off of Twitter? Danny Brown does, but A$AP prefers the Facebook hoes. They’d both smash on Kathy Griffin. Shout to both these guys laugh cause they have a mind of their own. Part 1 of 5 is below.
Noisey then interviews Danny Brown on his own
Lydia: I can’t. This is too much. [I laugh, smoke some weed to calm down a bit, then laugh some more.]
Okay, here’s my best shot. Noisey interviews Danny Brown after his back-and-forth with A$AP, and Danny Brown saves all the problems of the world with his diction. Some take-aways that best be quoted the next time your mom calls you out for shit:
- I have fucked an obese chick in my life! And you know, more cushion kinda works out better!
- Who wants to feel good naturally, man? That’s what emotions are for! You supposed to be upset sometimes, and you should be happy sometimes. And if molly makes me extremely happy, and I can be a little sad about that after, then…I’ll take that.
- Fuck you and your skinny ass mosquito leg joint!
[I go pop a Molly, knock out my two front teeth, change my laugh to sound just like Danny Brown’s, and start a political campaign with the slogan “Veneers in a few years!”]