Lontalius is Eddie Johnston. He is friends with Lorde, but that’s not why I’m writing about him. He makes music and does lo-fi covers (often of hip-hop songs). They are hazy and distorted and just frickin’ majestic. It’s like he lives in a mystical forest and is pals with centaurs. It’s like he swims with dolphins and dines with lions. He must live in a castle on an undiscovered island and own human-sized cat servants and collect vintage Furbies. I don’t want to beat this into the ground, but it’s like he bathes in rivers of gold and ejaculates ice cream sundaes.